Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

This February, celebrate healthy relationships during Teen Dating Awareness Month. Attorney General Peter F. Kilmartin is urging teens, parents and educators in Rhode Island to learn the signs of dating abuse so that they can prevent it. As part of the national Love Is Respect campaign, Attorney General Kilmartin is reaching out online and through social media to help kids recognize the signs of dating abuse.

Dating, domestic and sexual violence affect people of all ages, but teens are especially vulnerable as they are just starting to date. Recent statistics show that one in three young people experience some form of dating abuse, and that one in three teens knows someone who has been abused by a partner. Physical abuse is usually the most obvious form of abuse, but dating abuse can also be emotional and psychological.

Ten Warning Signs of Abuse

While there are many warning signs of abuse, here are ten common abusive behaviors:

• Checking your phone or email without permission
• Constantly putting you down
• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
• Explosive temper
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Making false accusations
• Mood swings
• Physically hurting you in any way
• Possessiveness
• Telling you what to do

What Does Dating Violence Look Like?

Teens and young adults experience the same types of abuse in relationships as adults. This can include:

• Physical abuse: any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.
• Verbal or emotional abuse: non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking.
• Sexual abuse: any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
• Digital abuse: use of technologies and/or social media networking to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner. This could include demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyber bullying, sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on Facebook or other social media.

In today’s increasingly technology-based society, a newer form of abuse has also emerged: digital dating abuse. This can include unwanted, repeated calls or text messages, breaking into email or social networking accounts, or being pressured to send private or embarrassing pictures or videos. Kids are online, blogging, instant messaging and texting, and abusers are able to use that technology for harassment. Over 75 percent of teens age 12-17 now have a cell phone, and 73 percent use social media sites (Pew Internet Research Center, 2009-2011). Since these technologies are so new, many parents are totally unaware of the prevalence of digital abuse.

• 1 in 4 teens report verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year (Foshee et al. 1996; Avery-Leaf et al. 1997).
• 1 in 5 teens reports being a victim of emotional abuse (Halpem et al. 2001).
• 1 in 11 teens report being a victim of physical dating abuse (CDC 2006).
• 1 in 5 high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner (Silverman et al. 2001).
• 2% of eighth and ninth graders reportedly date (Foshee et al. 1996); by the time they are in high school, 54% of students report dating abuse among their peers (Jafe et al. 1992).

It is important for young people to understand the difference between affection and obsession, and that no one – regardless of age or gender – should be subject to abuse. Teens often don’t realize that abuse isn’t always physical. Pressuring for risqué photographs, excessive unwanted text messages, hacking into email or social media accounts – these are all forms of abuse. We want kids and parents to learn how they can prevent teen dating violence. Through education and awareness, we can work together to break the cycle of violence, which all too often leads to tragic consequences.

Dating Abuse Is Often Misunderstood

Try to correct these misunderstandings about abuse and promote real solutions to dating violence:

• The abuse is never the victim’s fault.
• Telling someone to “just leave” is not the answer.
• Take relationships among youth seriously.
• Dating violence happens in every type of relationship, in every community.
• Dating violence isn’t just physical.
• Do not advise teens to fight back.
• There’s never a point where you should “cut off” a friend who is being abused.

Violent relationships have serious consequences for victims – putting them at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior, suicide and adult re-victimization. Now is the time to educate ourselves about the seriousness of teen dating violence and the prevalence of this epidemic in our lives.

Love Is Respect is a collaborative campaign between Break the Cycle and the National Dating Abuse Helpline.

Want to take action? loveisrespect.org is full of resources which you can download or print.

How to Get Help

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911.

Local Resources

24 hour Hotline